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Showing posts from April, 2013

battle scars

Going into this latest process, I was unsure of what it would entail. I knew that it would be unlike any other step has been in this metamorphosis of mine; that it wouldn't resemble any road that I have taken thus far. And I was right. It's new, and scary, and painful, and necessary.

My life is crisscrossed with battle scars - some physical but mostly emotional. I have always lived under this motto "Life happens, good and bad, and no matter what, just keep going. The past is the past, so suck it up and move on." I'm not one to spend time on self pity. I take responsibility for all of my actions. I take pride in the fact that I am an overcomer. So, imagine my surprise when I realize that God wants to take me back to those "overcoming" moments; that He wants to show me that I wasn't really overcoming at all. I was merely slapping gauze on the wound, pretending that all was fine, while underneath it has been festering and oozing all sorts of negative …

the day that never came

What am I going to do? I'm sitting in the office waiting for the results of the test. My mind is racing. My palms are sweating. Heck, I'm sweating all over. I'm scared. and nervous. and feel like throwing up. Or is that just a symptom? I'm making promises to God, which is pretty funny since I haven't talked to Him in awhile. Not since the last time I needed help.
What am I going to do? Time is dragging. Where is that nurse? Shouldn't she be back by now? Is that a good sign or a bad one? I need to know the answer. No wait, I don't want to know (yes, I do). I can't bury my head in the sand (or can I?). I can't pretend like this isn't happening (right?). I have to know one way or the other. Yes or no. Positive or negative.
What am I going to do? This is crazy. How did I get here? I'm too young for this. I'm just a teen. This only happens to other people. This can't be happening to me (can it?). I did what I was supposed to do (or didn…

moving on

wandering through the desert
day in
day out
oblivious to my surroundings
blind to my path
thinking I'm right

only when I stumble
into paradise
do I realize my hunger
comprehend my thirst
see clearly my nomadic footprints
marking the sands of life

I like it here
in this lush oasis
encircled by friends
enveloped in love
so peaceful here
in my refuge

was this a mirage
quickly fading
here today
gone tomorrow
the desert invading
nirvana receding

moving on
steps of purpose
moving up
paradigm shift
moving out

life is spent
in the desert
in the oasis
in the mountain
in the valley
always in His love

I won't complain
I won't be afraid
perfect love drives out fear
meeting new territory
boldly head-on
peacefully assured

moving on
steps of purpose
moving up
paradigm shift
moving out

and the honor goes to...part 1

This will be a series of posts in which I honor people who have made an impact in my life, both in my past and in my present. I am blessed to still have some of these people in my life; others are now celebrating with Jesus; others are no longer a part of my close circle, yet still made a difference to me. I want to share them with you. I want to honor them. I want them to know how much I love and respect them. The first one is dedicated to my childhood babysitter, Pat B.

Growing up, both of my parents worked. This meant that my sister and I went to a babysitter when we were younger. We had a few, but the one that we spent the most time with, and that I remember the most, lived right up the road from us. We were actually neighbors, but being in the country, that meant a cornfield separated us. I recall being there when I was in kindergarten until I was old enough to stay by myself, probably around 12 or 13.

I love to reminisce about my time there. It was my home away from home. They…