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Showing posts from March, 2014

get outta my head

The clock reads 5:06 a.m. The dream nightmare still lingers, palpable in unimaginable ways. Fear grips my heart, squeezing it painfully. Darkness envelopes me, body and soul. I cannot see. I cannot think. I cannot breathe. Then, they come. The demons, whispering so loud that I imagine it is more like a scream. Taunting. Laughing. 'I told you so' echoes throughout it all. They each hold a different memory, but they all bear the same name - Rejection.

It has been a taxing two weeks. At times, I have felt overburdened, exhausted, and just plain weary. Through it all,  I lean on the One who will help me through this season of unrest. I am being called out, called up, called deeper. Sometimes, I make these transitions smoothly. Sometimes, like now, it is a battle. Arrows are being flung at me and some are landing. I'm taking hits physically, financially, but I proudly keep going. I know Who I belong to.

He is leaving. My spiritual father is leaving me. He lied. He doesn't l…

and the honor goes to...part 2

This will be a series of posts in which I honor people who have made an impact in my life, both in my past and in my present. I am blessed to still have some of these people in my life; others are now celebrating with Jesus; and still others are no longer a part of my close circle, yet still made a difference to me. I want to share them with you. I want to honor them. I want them to know how much I love and respect them. The second one is dedicated to my first spiritual mentor, Kathy O.

When I first truly came to love Jesus, I had no idea what He was all about. Sure, I grew up in the church. I knew all the Bible stories, and memorized verses, and sang hymns, and knew that unless I wanted to spend eternity burning in hell, I better be "saved." But, what I didn't know was that I could actually have a relationship with my Saviour, that He wanted to be so much more than that - like my Daddy, my friend, my confidante, my...the list goes on. He wanted to know me a…

battle scars

*these battle scars don't look like they're fading, don't look like they're ever going away, they ain't never gonna change...

When Little J was just two years old, she was involved in a freak accident which resulted in three cuts on the side of her face, ear, and head. After emergency surgery with a plastic surgeon, she recovered with no lasting side effects, except for the noticeable scars. It could have been much worse since the facial cut severed saliva glands and nerves and went through to the cheekbone, but we thank God that it wasn't. However, I have always been concerned with the lasting scars. We consulted another plastic surgeon about reducing or completely removing the scars, but the procedure seemed painful in itself and we decided to wait until she could make the decision on her own. Recently, the subject resurfaced. Did she want to look into this? Did she want the scars removed? The answer was no. The scars don't bother her at all. She says tha…

cleaning out the pantry...part 2

Like all of my other processes, this one has not been easy. My issues with food, and my overstocked pantry, and my weight, and with shopping have all threatened to overtake me at one point or another during this last month. It is fascinating to watch, as if from the sidelines, as I face these hurdles and make my way over them. With some, I have easily jumped them. Others, I have crawled my way up, hand over stubborn hand, refusing to be beaten. I am overcoming years of these methods of thought. I know the path is strewn with obstacles. I know that it requires hard work and persistence. But I also know that I can change, I can conquer this, I can overcome!

Some positive points from month 1 :
~at 10 weeks into this year, I am keeping with my goal of losing one pound a week. 10 lbs gone!
~even though we had a few storms that would have had me running to the store to stock up on those ridiculous items of bread, milk, and toilet paper, I resisted the urge!
~I don't dread the weekly sh…