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Showing posts from March, 2016

between the ends

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control or chaos
chaos or control
Those are the far ends of this life I've led.

I can find many excuses as to the control end : I'm a first-born with all of the matching characteristics of overachieving and my way is the right way and competitiveness; my Type-A personality drives me to create this perfect picture around me by controlling it all, every little bit.

It isn't fun to live here. believe me. It takes a lot of trying and striving and manipulating and hoping that it will all work out, that life will become what I am working so hard to create. perfect. 

I can find many excuses as to the chaos end : I'm tired of the trying and striving and manipulating and hoping to create what seems to never be perfect, so now I am given to apathy; my all-or-nothing personality has switched from working to letting go, all of it.

It isn't fun to live here. believe me. It is a tumultuous time of disorganization, of a life scattered to the winds of disarray, where confusion r…