square pegs and round holes

I stand on the outskirts, anxiously awaiting that coveted nod, the one that will verify my entrance into a band of brothers, all chosen, all accepted, all wanted. 

I stand as other names are called, as others celebrate their new placement, as they step into the spot that I desired to fill.

I stand, long after they have moved on, feeling the sting of rejection, again, as if transported back in time to schoolyard games, and captains, and picking sides, and never, ever wanting to be chosen last. 

And I realize that there is a world of difference between being picked last and not being picked at all.

I raise my chin up, quivering as it is, and determine to try again. I wipe away the pesky drops of weakness from my eyes. I look around and notice, for the first time, the rest of the crowd. Smiling. Waving. Motioning me over. I glance behind me, searching for the more worthy one, and I hear my Father say, "It is you. It has always been you. For while you have been working to fit your square peg into a round hole, these others have been searching for that square peg, for the very you that I thought of before time began. I gave you that great big personality, that accepting heart, that way you have of loving unconditionally. I gave you that for them. They know that. They see that. They see you, and now, finally, you see them."

They are still beckoning. They are asking, no, wanting, me to join. Hesitantly, I take the first step...and instantly, I am surrounded by them all. No divisions, no distinctions. Just others who are hungry to be loved, fully, intentionally, indiscriminately. Others who have lived on these same edges, never quite fitting in, never quite attaining the mark that someone else has set.

They have what I've been searching for : undeniable peace that transcends all to live in a place of rest, secure in His Truth that uniqueness is His trademark, and Love is His brand.

I am home.


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