*Friends don't let friends wallow.
Sometimes people want you to agree with their negativity-and then want you to just be okay with them living there. They’re perfectly content to live in the “sucky,” though they know it sucks & they don’t want to live there-they just don’t want to change enough to actually make a change.
This post hit me right in my mind, my heart, and all my feels. I am stubborn. Like, stubborn with a capital S. For most of my life, if I wanted to wallow, I expected everyone in my life to either leave me alone, there in that mess, or join me, which really justified my thoughts. I was that friend, perfectly content in the sucky.
Jesus isn’t gonna just sit around & wallow with us in our mess. He’s not gonna be like, “Aw, I’m sorry, baby, let’s just go ahead & make some snow angels in this.” No. He’s like, “All right we got this handled, let’s go; moving forward,” because He wants more for us.
It wasn't like I didn't know that I was wallowing. I knew. He pointed it out. I was stubborn. I made a choice, and that choice was damaging me, in ways that were becoming harder and harder to come back from. Pigs wallow. It's in their nature. People do not. And yet, there I was, wallowing away, despite my Creator loving me enough to speak Truth to me - "You were not created to wallow!"
I want what’s best for you, and to be in a positive environment with you-an environment that is actually good for me to be in, too- so I can’t let you live there. You’ve got too many things going for you to let yourself stay where the love (for yourself & others) is NOT. I will sit with you long enough to apologize for how you feel, or how I may have influenced your feelings, or say that I understand, but I want you to grow, not live there, because I want what’s best for you. So, no, I won’t let you wallow in negative emotions. I can’t.
And so, several years ago, I gave my hubby, my children, and my closest people permission to speak up against any wallowing that I was doing. I needed a team of those that I knew held my heart as carefully as Jesus did. I needed a team not afraid of my stubbornness. I needed a team that had empathy for my fears, but had even more desire to see me whole. I needed a team ready to cheer and encourage and fight and be with me, not in the wallowing but in the freedom on the other side of that filthy, useless pit.
I know it’s not easy, but I PROMISE it is so worth it-YOU ARE SO WORTH IT. You deserve to be happy. Remember that. Refuse to remain in that which does not grow you. Sometimes that’s hard to hear; sometimes it hurts to hear at first, but love WILL NOT let you be anything but your best YOU. Not letting you wallow is the furthest thing from rejection. It’s one of the highest displays of real love.
It hasn't always been easy, but I love my people more for speaking truth to me, for not pulling me out of the pit (that is NOT their job!), but for pointing out that there is a pit. I have what it takes to walk up out of it. I have what it takes to avoid it completely. I am learning and growing and healing the areas damaged from so much time in the pit. I am not quite so stubborn. Now, I would rather live through a difficult situation, with Jesus and my team at my side and be more of the real me after, than live a life in the muck as a less-than version of me.
Friends don't let friends wallow.
If you are like me and tend to find wallowing easier than changing, ask around. Jesus, your family, your friends, your mentors. Find someone who is willing, who loves you enough, to see you whole, on the other side of wallowing. You won't regret it!
*all italics are quoted from Shyann Gossert