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what marriage counseling taught me...lesson #6



We have grown apart.

I have heard this as a reason to end relationships, both of the married and of the friend kind.

We are no longer on the same path.
We no longer see eye to eye on this, or any, matter. 
He changed, she changed, they changed, I changed.

We all change. If a person doesn't change, I am concerned for them. honestly. Every new day brings more opportunities for growth, for an expansion of who we are, a progressive transformation into who we are becoming. I understand the fear of change. I spent too much time stuck in the miry mess of worry over who I was, anxiety over who I could be, frozen in a state of doing what I thought was expected, while never being who I was created to be. Being liberated from that chaos has brought a freedom to not only accept this metamorphosis of mine, but to welcome it.

As I have traveled this road of transition, I have learned so many lessons. Among them is the lesson that change is indeed beautiful. As I give myself permission to change, I have learned to give hubby that same permission. As I sink into my identity with better clarity, into a deeper acceptance of who I am, I have discovered a grace to do the same with him. and others.

I desire to explore all of the possibilities within me; to gather all of my pieces into one whole without fear of judgment or condemnation; to willingly crawl into my chrysalis and emerge evolved, as many times as I need to. or none at all, if that is my desire.

I want to be me, unrestrained by others thoughts of how I should be.
And if I want that for myself, I am convinced that others in my life want that as well.

So, do people grow apart?  leave their joint path? change?
Yes.
Does that mean that said relationship should end?
Not if the reason is because one, or both, are unwilling to recognize that change is important, is necessary, to each one of our walks into maturity.

One of the hardest concepts for me to grasp is that I should have no expectations of others. If I am expecting hubby to act, or talk, or do, or be the way that I want, I am merely creating a robot to meet my needs. I am stifling his transformation, judging him as not good enough, demanding him to evolve as I see fit.

Instead, we have become intentional in allowing each other to walk our paths as we choose, in keeping our hearts and minds open to the others growth. We have the freedom to ask questions and give wisdom. We cover the other in support and love. always.

Looking back, our paths have had times of similarity and times of opposition. We have agreed and disagreed. We have changed together and separate. And, again and again, we make the choice to connect, no matter where we are on our paths. That is why we can grow apart of one another and not grow apart from one another. 




Good. Better. Best.
Change is beautiful ~lesson #6



You can read our marriage counseling journey here:
lesson 1
lesson 2
lesson 3
lesson 4
lesson 5




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