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Showing posts from December, 2017

death and life on the windowsill

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I do not have a green thumb. It isn't even a brown one. Basically, it's the black thumb that rides in on the plant horse of death. seriously. I've tried everything and eventually, the end comes for them all. It doesn't deter me from trying. I believe that one day I will have a plant that lives on, taking whatever care I give it and flourishing! 

I have a windowsill in my kitchen that currently houses four plants. Until this very morning, it was five. That fifth one gave me hope for a long time. Eighteen months, eleven days, and seventeen hours to be exact. I thought sure that we would make it, together, my beautiful plant and I. But, alas, about a month ago, things took a turn for the worse. And this morning, I decided to just let it go. 

Because I can't keep alive that which is already dead.

Standing in my kitchen, on the last day of this year, I determined that this plant was just a withered and brown representation of many other things in my life. relationships…

put your money where your mouth is

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Put your money where your mouth is.

I heard it clearly, but I asked again. How should we give?

Put your money where your mouth is.

About this time last year, God and I were discussing money and giving and the heart of it and this was His twice given answer to my twice asked question. I know where my mouth is a majority of the time. It's on love. If you know me, you know that this is a huge part of what I believe - that we are all called to walk in love. Nonjudging, overwhelming, indiscriminate love.

It is easy to declare love, to sprinkle the words around like glitter, sticking to everything in sight. But love is a verb. It is an action. It is words set in motion by our mouths, welling up from our heart, and followed through with some sort of activity. And now, the effort that He was asking of our family was to give from our wallets to that which we have sprinkled words over before.

I wasn't exactly sure where or how this would take place, so I simply said, "Show us and…

my truths

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Rejection formed a lot of my earliest thoughts about my worth, and it was from that atmosphere that people pleasing was birthed. I didn't know my truth. I simply knew theirs, and adjusted who I was accordingly. I accepted their thoughts, their opinions, their words about who I was, and I swallowed it all, deep within me, until I was all those people. and none of them. an inaccurate representation of who I was created to be.

Two years ago, I felt the shift coming. I knew that change was on the horizon, but it was hazy, unclear. Still, I welcomed it with open arms, confident that my Papa wouldn't lead me into places that He hadn't readied me for. Together we journeyed, into my known and my unknown, into my remaining masks and my authored identity, into who I thought I should be and who I was created to be.

It was here that I quieted all other voices, including mine, to hear Him. It was here that I removed all that was hindering my sight to see Him. It was here that I shifted…