in the midst of metamorphosis

Trust. This one word stirs up a whirlwind of emotions within me. What is trust, really? I know the definition but what does it mean to me? I was part of a trust experiment a few years ago in which we were supposed to tell others, “I trust you with my cat. I trust you with my wallet. I trust you with my spouse.” I couldn’t do it. I walked out rather than say those words. It would have been a lie, would have been fake. I refuse to be less than my truth, so my defense mechanism is to just walk  run away. (I am working on that. slowly.) On my way out the door though, I realized just how deep my roots of distrust run. I mean, I love our cat but he is a real jerk and I still  couldn’t trust another to care for him! I have trust issues. I admit that. We, as a society, seem to throw that phrase around as our get out of jail free card.  Can you trust me? No, I have trust issues. We justify our lack of trust by pointing out who and when and how our trust has been betrayed an...

Rejection formed a lot of my earliest thoughts about my worth, and it was from that atmosphere that people pleasing was birthed. I didn't know my truth. I simply knew theirs, and adjusted who I was accordingly. I accepted their thoughts, their opinions, their words about who I was, and I swallowed it all, deep within me, until I was all those people. and none of them. an inaccurate representation of who I was created to be. Two years ago, I felt the shift coming. I knew that change was on the horizon, but it was hazy, unclear. Still, I welcomed it with open arms. I journeyed into my known and my unknown, into my remaining masks and my authored identity, into who I thought I should be and who I was created to be. It was here that I quieted all other voices. It was here that I removed all that was hindering my sight. It was here that I shifted my priorities, smashed my idols, surrendered my self, and gave my all, to sink, unhindered, wholly, into Love's heart.  It was compl...

**Warning- this post contains adult themes/images** ********************************************************* Freedom. Acceptance. Family. Belonging. Camaraderie. Pride. Love. Anticipation. A deep knowledge of who they are, of being firmly rooted in that, and living from that steadfast place. Home. Open. Honor. Togetherness. Peace. Respect. Identity. Transformation. Wholeness. Laughter. Excitement. Being one. Overcoming. Fun. Lightheartedness. Freedom. I felt so much acceptance there to be exactly who I am, to be free to be the person I was designed to be. I know my identity. I know who I am. And yet the struggle to live that way, completely me, is overwhelming. The sting of rejection, of abandonment, is real and painful. Being enveloped in that atmosphere gave me a renewed sense of the overcoming spirit that is within me. I can do this.  There is a wide, wide world out there just waiting for me to live in it fully, as me, the real me. That may take me to pla...