in the midst of metamorphosis

doors. Life is like a series of doors and hallways leading towards, away from, and in between the rooms they guard. I've heard all of the analogies that say : when one door closes, another opens every closed door has helped make you into who you are you suppose that you are the lock...but you are the key  love opens the doors into everything* but, honestly, doors intimidate me. What awaits me behind them? Are they entryways into rooms where I am at ease? filled with objects that support who I am? where I am comfortable to walk in my own skin? I have walked through a variety of doors in my lifetime. Some were perfect for that time, some were wrong from the start, and others were like Cinderella's stepsisters trying to force that beautiful slipper that brought the promise of a different ( better? ) life onto feet that were created for a separate path. I wanted that room. I thought that I needed that room. Life though, she had another plan for me but that didn't e...

I am a thinker. A lot of thoughts flow in my mind and sometimes they spend an abundance of time drifting around in there. If I don't intentionally examine each one for truth, they will seek out other like-minded mates, binding together for strength and twisting in ways that mask their falsehoods. Unattended to, they will wait at the back of my throat, looking to seep out, giving voice to inaccurate representations of who I am, and worse, who others are. Unfortunately, we seem to hurt the ones we say we love the most, and my hubby has probably been the biggest recipient of these distorted words. I know who I am. I know who he is. And yet, there are times that my wounds have walked in agreement with these flawed thoughts and created counterfeit truths. And then, I have turned these mere thoughts into detrimental words, disintegrating into narrow-minded actions. What previously had no power has now become a powerful force of destruction, a cancerous mass of cells threatening the hea...

Exactly one year ago, the hubby and I renewed our wedding vows. It wasn't our actual wedding anniversary - that is still two months away. It was a date that I had picked based on the numbers, 8/16.  . 8 signifies the ushering in of a new era, a regeneration, and new beginnings. 16 is the number of love. . My intentions were to start the next 25 years off more in love than ever before; to move from good to better to the best we could be together. Of course, life has a funny way of walking me through my intentions to the reward on the other side! And so, just four months later, we were sitting in an office​, across from a marriage counselor, working our way to best. (you can find that story here lesson #1 )  . It was in this office that I found a safety to explore my roots of rejection, the vines that had sprouted from that place, and the damaging fruit that I had been partaking in because of it. It had become my go-to, my comfort food of choice, my sour wine that I co...