in the midst of metamorphosis

intentions vs intentionality This subject has been rolling around in my head for a few weeks, working its way out in short bursts as I struggle to wrap my head and heart around what it has to say to me in this moment. Simply put, my definition of intentions are the words I say, and intentionality is when I add actions to those words, bringing them to fruition. So, what exactly does that look like? We have all been there, traveling that road to hell that is filled with good intentions. Our minds are swirling with these really good thoughts and words, falling together to create really good ideas and plans, and before we know it, they slide unhindered right out of our mouths. We say a lot,  like I want to save all the animals, or let's hang out, or we need to exercise more, or let's love others better, or today I'm eating healthier, or we want to save the planet, or ....and the list of our really good intentions starts piling up faster than dirty laundry in a household ...

Somewhere, somehow, we've picked up this belief that relat ionships are a 50/50 endeavor. You give and I give. You take and I take. We have these preconc ei ved allocations of how mu ch, and it has to be a perfect balance , an equivalent counterweight. It's a misguided notion that ends with unmet expectations, both from others and of ourselves. If, at any point, the other takes more, gives less, we run to our drawing board, we add and subtract, we calculate the answers based on our   intentions . And they come up lacking.  Or, we constantly measure ourselves against the others actions. Are we giving enough? Are we taking too much? Do our own insecurities cause us to tip the scales unfairly? We are desp e rate to maintain some semblance of uniformity. And we come up lacking. We each separately draw this arbitrary line, calling it "the middle", the meeting ground of our equal give and take. We do our part and we wait, impatiently at our line in the sand, watc...