in the midst of metamorphosis

Somewhere, somehow, we've picked up this belief that relat ionships are a 50/50 endeavor. You give and I give. You take and I take. We have these preconc ei ved allocations of how mu ch, and it has to be a perfect balance , an equivalent counterweight. It's a misguided notion that ends with unmet expectations, both from others and of ourselves. If, at any point, the other takes more, gives less, we run to our drawing board, we add and subtract, we calculate the answers based on our   intentions . And they come up lacking.  Or, we constantly measure ourselves against the others actions. Are we giving enough? Are we taking too much? Do our own insecurities cause us to tip the scales unfairly? We are desp e rate to maintain some semblance of uniformity. And we come up lacking. We each separately draw this arbitrary line, calling it "the middle", the meeting ground of our equal give and take. We do our part and we wait, impatiently at our line in the sand, watc...

This will be a series of posts in which I honor people who have made an impact in my life, both in my past and in my present. I am blessed to still have some of these people in my life; others have left this life for another; and still others are no longer a part of my close circle, yet still made a difference to me. I want to share them with you. I want to honor them. I want them to know how much I love and respect them. The third one is dedicated to one of my very best friends, Casey B. "To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment."  ~Ralph Waldo Emerson When I met you, a little over two years ago, you were unlike everyone else in my life at that time. You came in like a whirlwind, blowing away all of my insecurities about who I am. You taught me that it is okay to embrace the real me, with all of my junk, and faults, and scars;  that being true to myself is more important than being what others...

I first published this in May of 2013. A lot has changed in that time. A lot has stayed the same. There are updates at the end of this post. One of my daughters is on a daily SSRI (selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor) or, in layman's terms, an antidepressant. She was diagnosed with the main dish of Anxiety Disorder, with a side of depression. I can joke about it now - and she can too - but it hasn't always been that way. . We first encountered it years ago. At the time we sought church-based counseling but nothing else in the way of help for her. She was so young that I just couldn't imagine putting her on a medication. I had a hard time even accepting that she might have a mental disorder. We got through that time - barely - and went on without it rearing its head again. But when it resurfaced three years ago, it did so with a vengeance. This time, I was better equipped myself to deal with it. There was no hesitation. We immediately saw a doctor, got a prescrip...

What am I going to do? I'm sitting in the office waiting for the results of the test. My mind is racing. My palms are sweating. Heck, I'm sweating all over. I'm scared. and nervous. and feel like throwing up. Or is that just a symptom? I'm making promises to god, which is pretty funny since I haven't talked to him in awhile. Not since the last time I needed help. What am I going to do? Time is dragging. Where is that nurse? Shouldn't she be back by now? Is that a good sign or a bad one? I need to know the answer. No wait, I don't want to know (yes, I do). I can't bury my head in the sand (or can I?). I can't pretend like this isn't happening (right?). I have to know one way or the other. Yes or no. Positive or negative. What am I going to do? This is crazy. How did I get here? I'm too young for this. I'm just a teen. This only happens to other people. This can't be happening to me (can it?). I did what I was supposed to do (or didn...