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Showing posts from 2016

in the rearview mirror

*October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month I could rummage through the memories, pinpointing exact moments, specific events or words, that, undoubtedly, led this younger me to fall prey to an abusive man.  ...and I have. I could lay blame at the feet of circumstances or people in my life, shrugging off the cover of responsibility, and live under the banner of victim. ...and I have. I could absolve it all, each contributor to the broken me, and allow guilt and condemnation to weigh me down, into darkness, where I justify him, where I excuse him, and live under the banner of unworthy. ...and I have. I have, at one time or another, processed through all of these, trying desperately to find answers, to find reasons, to find healing. And, I just can't. Not anymore. It happened. There may be a hundred reasons. There may only be one. But, life happens. I'm tired of putting my newfound freedom on hold while I travel back in time to fix what can&#

sex, values, and that other v word

  WARNING : This post does contain some vulgar language. The latest controversy concerning trump is all over the news and social media. And while he is running for our highest office, I am choosing not to make this a political post. Instead, I want to view this from a perspective of sex, values, and that other v word. By now, I am sure that you have read or listened to the words that he had to say about women and the power he feels that his celebrity rank affords him. He isn't the first to use those words. He won't be the last. He isn't even the only man who has used his money, status or notoriety to add another notch to his bed. That definitely doesn't make his statements okay. What it does do is shine a light on what has become the norm; accepted into our society as "boys will be boys" or "no harm, no foul" because words are just words, right? Wrong. Our speech mirrors the thoughts already roaming around our heart. More times than not, on

where the church gets it wrong...us versus them

I desire open, honest, and nonjudgmental communication from all people and all views and all ideas. The words of my posts are simply my own thoughts on how the church* can fully be operational in Love.   The church mistakenly gives the impression that they have cornered the market on god's love. They stand atop their soapboxes touting their views as if they are the only truth, looking down their judgmental noses, and trying to sway others to their side. You know, in a me versus you, us versus them, right versus wrong, sort of way. They use fear tactics and condemning words. They are critical and discriminating. They affix their sanctimonious masks firmly, denying their own lessor evils, and protest loudly about "greater" sins. They do all of this while claiming a greater love. Here is what I believe about Love :  it is abundantly lavished on everyone, pursuing us ALL with reckless abandon.  Love doesn't care about which church you attend, or if yo

black and white

**********PARTS OF THIS WERE ORIGINALLY POSTED JULY 2016 I am biracial. In times like these, I feel trapped, caught between the rock of being white and the hard place of being black. I could write for a very long time about the horrors of racism that my family members, that my friends, have endured because of their skin color. I could cry and tell you of the suffering that I have been through, as recently as this month, because of my mixed heritage. I could paint a gruesome picture depicting the ugly side of this mess that most of America would prefer to slide under the ever present rug of denial and disbelief. I won't. This very post had a different slant when I first wrote it four years ago. I didn't want the country we came from, or the culture we were raised in, or the color of our skin to matter. I wanted desperately to look past that into "one big melting pot of beautiful completeness." Yes, those were my words. That was the me of then. and that

water my soul

I dislike drinking water. like really, really dislike it. I do it because I know that I should, but let's be honest, not nearly enough. As a result, I am a fairly dried out person - dry hair, dry skin, just dry all around. So, when at the DC Pride parade, I began to feel the symptoms of being dehydrated, I realized that I had messed up. In an effort to not have to keep finding bathrooms, I had decided against drinking fluids. All day, I had just had 1/2 of a coffee, a pepsi, and 1/2 of a tall frappe. all not so good choices. all not nearly enough to keep me hydrated while standing for hours in 90 degree weather without shade. Thankfully, JL went off bravely through the crowds in search of water for me, which I promptly downed like a person lost in the desert who finally finds an oasis. The following morning, I awoke with my previous blog (  here ) burning on the inside of me. I was tired and yet, still feeling the high of being enveloped in the midst of so many liberated peop

born this way

**Warning- this post contains adult themes/images** ********************************************************* Freedom. Acceptance. Family. Belonging. Camaraderie. Pride. Love. Anticipation. A deep knowledge of who they are, of being firmly rooted in that, and living from that steadfast place. Home. Open. Honor. Togetherness. Peace. Respect. Identity. Transformation. Wholeness. Laughter. Excitement. Being one. Overcoming. Fun. Lightheartedness. Freedom. I felt so much acceptance there to be exactly who I am, to be free to be the person I was designed to be. I know my identity. I know who I am. And yet the struggle to live that way, completely me, is overwhelming. The sting of rejection, of abandonment, is real and painful. Being enveloped in that atmosphere gave me a renewed sense of the overcoming spirit that is within me. I can do this.  There is a wide, wide world out there just waiting for me to live in it fully, as me, the real me. That may take me to places

where the church gets it wrong...loving yourself

I desire open, honest, and nonjudgmental communication from all people and all views and all ideas. The words of my posts are simply my own thoughts on how the church* can fully be operational in Love. “That you love the Lord your God with all your passion and prayer and muscle and intelligence—and that you love your neighbor as well as you do yourself.” ~ Luke 10:27  The Message Growing up in a conservative church, I heard this verse plenty of times, usually with the emphasis on one of two parts. Either we were learning how to love God, or we were learning how to love others.  That colored my thoughts, and therefore my actions, on what loving myself looked like. Turn the other cheek. Be a doormat. Put others needs ahead of my own. Love with no boundaries. Loving myself equaled being self-centered. In these past few years, my understanding of this has changed, evolved into a place where I am beginning to comprehend just how revolutionary it is. I am grasping just how very