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Showing posts from November, 2016

fear is a liar

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Fear is an ugly and demanding master. 
I had to take my poor doggy, Zero, to the vet two days ago. We were sure that it would be a quick and easy fix, and we would be on our way. Initially, they agreed. But, afterward, we left with the problem unresolved, looking much worse than before, with meds in hand, another appointment, and a hope that it would resolve itself at home.
Except, fear had already been spoken. "Maybe, it's not what we think. Maybe, it's worse. Maybe, it's the dreaded C word - cancer." 
I won't lie. I almost lost it right there, in that little examination room. My mind was instantly transported back in time, to a same little room, right down the hall, where we had lost our last dog. No matter what they said, fear had been whispered in my ear, and now it was washing over my mind,  infiltrating my heart, and claiming my future.
Fortunately, the issue actually did resolve itself within a day, and we are moving on.
Last night, I needed to pick u…

square pegs and round holes

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I stand on the outskirts, anxiously awaiting that coveted nod, the one that will verify my entrance into a band of brothers, all chosen, all accepted, all wanted. 
I stand as other names are called, as others celebrate their new placement, as they step into the spot that I desired to fill.
I stand, long after they have moved on, feeling the sting of rejection, again, as if transported back in time to schoolyard games, and captains, and picking sides, and never, ever wanting to be chosen last. 
And I realize that there is a world of difference between being picked last and not being picked at all.
I raise my chin up, quivering as it is, and determine to try again. I wipe away the pesky drops of weakness from my eyes. I look around and notice, for the first time, the rest of the crowd. Smiling. Waving. Motioning me over. I glance behind me, searching for the more worthy one, and I hear my Father say, "It is you. It has always been you. For while you have been working to fit your s…