what marriage counseling taught me...lesson #3

I am a thinker. A lot of thoughts flow in my mind and sometimes they spend an abundance of time drifting around in there. If I don't intentionally examine each one for truth, they will seek out other like-minded mates, binding together for strength and twisting in ways that mask their falsehoods. Unattended to, they will wait at the back of my throat, looking to seep out, giving voice to inaccurate representations of who I am, and worse, who others are.

Unfortunately, we seem to hurt the ones we say we love the most, and my hubby has probably been the biggest recipient of these distorted words. I know who I am. I know who he is. And yet, there are times that my wounds have walked in agreement with these flawed thoughts and created counterfeit truths. And then, I have turned these mere thoughts into detrimental words, disintegrating into narrow-minded actions. What previously had no power has now become a powerful force of destruction, a cancerous mass of cells threatening the health of our marriage.

This was another one of those "me" moments, as opposed to an "us" problem. I needed to influence my thoughts, not be influenced by them. I needed to find a way to harness these wayward thoughts before they damaged the very relationship I was endeavoring to improve.

I found just one easy step.
Shut. My. Mouth.

I decided that the first way to check myself was in keeping my thoughts from rolling outta my mouth. Not every thing needs to be said. seriously. I cannot stress this beautiful principle enough. I can have a thought and keep it to myself while I investigate it for truth. Even then, the truth needs tempered with love and gentleness and grace.

and sometimes, silence.

Not the "I'm giving you the silent treatment" kind, but the "I need to process through my thoughts before we have this conversation" kind. And so, that's what we do. I keep quiet. I process my thoughts. He waits patiently. I decide which, if any, of my thoughts will bring life to our relationship, to him, to me. And then, we can come together for a heart-to-heart. I'm finding that most of the time, what I thought had merit, what seemed pressing, is really insignificant in this quest of ours to find the best that we can be.

Good. Better. Best
It is found in the silence ~lesson #3

lesson #1 found here
lesson #2 found here


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