what marriage counseling taught me...lesson #4

As I was reading Brene Brown's latest book, Braving The Wilderness, this literally jumped off the page and into my heart. This explained my latest lesson perfectly. Let me rephrase it the way that my brain saw it :

If spouses really want their loved one to show up, speak out, take chances, and innovate, we each have to create cultures where the other feels safe - where their belonging is not threatened by speaking out and they are supported when they make the decision to brave the wilderness, stand alone, and speak truth to bullshit.
I want to show up and speak out, with a transparency that begs for a deeper intimacy. I want to take chances and bring new ideas to our relationship that catapults us even higher. I want to be vulnerable and open and speak honestly. And I want all of those things for him as well.

When I first met my hubby, I was fresh out of an abusive relationship. Like 3 weeks fresh. I was a walking mess of fear and insecurity. I didn't feel safe, ever. I didn't know how to trust, ever. It wasn't until recently that I realized how much that toxic time was affecting me now - how I viewed myself, my relationship, my man. It's like I've been desperately trying to swim against the current, against the very goodness of my husband, all of this time.

So, I stopped. I stopped fighting against and started flowing with instead. I allowed the natural current of him to meet the natural current of me and together we are creating this organic ebb and flow, untamed tides of freedom and realness and unshakable certainty that has us more in unison than ever before.

And in that culture of freedom and safety to just be him, he has created this space for me that I have always been seeking - a safe haven of hope and truth and love and security. He has become a home of shelter where I can rest and grow and become. I can lean all of me into all of him, knowing that I can trust him to catch me if I fall, to walk with me through anything, and, most importantly for me in this time of my life, to speak truth to my occasional bullshit. I know, beyond a shadow of doubt, that he has my heart and that I can trust him with it. That statement alone is a testament to the healing power of creating safety within any relationship.

Good. Better. Best
The healing culture of safety ~lesson #4

You can read our marriage counseling journey here:
lesson 1
lesson 2
lesson 3


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