At the beginning of this year(2010), I heard someone speak about the Golden Buddha encased in plaster (google it if you don't know the story). This post details my struggle to rid myself of my own plaster encasing in order to be the me that I was always intended to be.
Year after year. Layer upon layer. It continues to build up.
More, more, more.
Outsiders contribute some, with their demands, expectations, thoughtless words, rejection.
More, more, more.
I can't help but add to it myself, in a hopeless attempt to preserve the vulnerable core.
More, more, more.
The plaster shell is rock hard. It has to be. How else will I protect myself? Inside, I hide, unsure if the real me even wants to venture out. What is waiting for me? The unknown can be frightening, intimidating. If I stay here, I have a chance at protection, at anonymity. But, locked inside, I am growing weaker, emaciated. I want to kick out, break loose, take off these bindings, tear down the walls that have kept me 'protected' but which have really kept me from all that I am.
I am locked in, a prisoner of my own making.
More, more, more.
I know that I hold the key to unlock this cell. It is Truth. She assures me that I am more than they say, more than they think...more than I think.
Less, less, less.
It is a painful procedure to rip away the fake me, to expose the true one, to dig deep beneath all the coverup that I never anticipated having to remove.
Less, less, less.
The process seems slow, long. Why did I spend so much time hidden in the dark? I long for light to shine on the authentic me, that I may be a vessel that reflects it for those around me. Others have seen glimpses. I am grateful for their encouragement. I am stronger.
Less, less, less.
Like a butterfly that emerges slowly from it's cocoon, I am stretching little used parts of me, testing this new feeling, moving forward steadily. I hunger after the day in which I will be totally free, unencumbered by all that is not true, free from the plaster me, free to be the gold me, free to be the real me!!
Year after year. Layer upon layer. It continues to build up.
More, more, more.
Outsiders contribute some, with their demands, expectations, thoughtless words, rejection.
More, more, more.
I can't help but add to it myself, in a hopeless attempt to preserve the vulnerable core.
More, more, more.
The plaster shell is rock hard. It has to be. How else will I protect myself? Inside, I hide, unsure if the real me even wants to venture out. What is waiting for me? The unknown can be frightening, intimidating. If I stay here, I have a chance at protection, at anonymity. But, locked inside, I am growing weaker, emaciated. I want to kick out, break loose, take off these bindings, tear down the walls that have kept me 'protected' but which have really kept me from all that I am.
I am locked in, a prisoner of my own making.
More, more, more.
I know that I hold the key to unlock this cell. It is Truth. She assures me that I am more than they say, more than they think...more than I think.
Less, less, less.
It is a painful procedure to rip away the fake me, to expose the true one, to dig deep beneath all the coverup that I never anticipated having to remove.
Less, less, less.
The process seems slow, long. Why did I spend so much time hidden in the dark? I long for light to shine on the authentic me, that I may be a vessel that reflects it for those around me. Others have seen glimpses. I am grateful for their encouragement. I am stronger.
Less, less, less.
Like a butterfly that emerges slowly from it's cocoon, I am stretching little used parts of me, testing this new feeling, moving forward steadily. I hunger after the day in which I will be totally free, unencumbered by all that is not true, free from the plaster me, free to be the gold me, free to be the real me!!
Comments
Post a Comment