in the midst of metamorphosis

Deconstruct - to take apart or examine something in order to reveal the basis or composition often with the intention of exposing biases, flaws, or inconsistencies. This will be my most raw and real series yet. I do not plan to "work" these posts as I usually do, spending energy writing and rewriting over time until they seem acceptable for publication. That feels too much like how I became firmly ensconced in this miry pit to begin with. It is my truth, laid bare, as I see and feel and recall it. It is my story to tell, in my words, in my way.  This is my deconstruction out of religion. (told in snippets of memories, without adhering to a linear timeline) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Shock kept the words from truly registering. They were heard. They were understood. They felt like birds trapped in a too small space, desperately flapping to escape the confinement of their truth. They were seeking freedom to leave, now , but were rooted t...

    For years, I was convinced that love was the answer. What was the question? It didn't matter. Love was always the correct response.  The church teaches that if someone wrongs us, love them. Whether the slap to the cheek is literal or metaphoric, just love them. We are reminded of the verse in Luke to "love your enemies, do good to them...then your reward will be great." We have heard many times what the ideal love, the perfect love, looks like (1 Corinthians 13). In short, the message relayed to every church goer is this: the more we love, the better a person we are. And, as Jesus followers, we want that. We want to be love, in the flesh. We want to obtain this perfection. We want to be more like Jesus. And so, we sit under teachings that are setting us up to be used, to be victimized, to be forgivers in light of the worst atrocities, and forgetters of the sins committed against us, because That. Is. Love. But, is it? Is that really what Jesus meant by loving uncondit...