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the deconstruction of my life and other not-so-fun moments : forgiveness



Forgiveness.

It isn't always simple. It definitely should never be expected. And, there are times that it is given without ever having been asked for. But, for me, for the instances that I shall detail in this Deconstruction series, I am actively applying it as a monthly meditation.

I found this beautiful forgiveness intention written by Michael B. Beckwith:

"I forgive you and set you free. Your actions no longer have power over me. I acknowledge that you are doing the best that you can, and I honor you in your process of unfoldment. You are free and I am free. All is well between us. Peace is the order of the day."

I wrote about two very specific people in my last post (you can read that here ). Part of my process of deconstructing my life is to take these experiences and flip the narrative. I am taking apart the whole, laying it out for introspection, and reassembling it my  way, for my  benefit.

I am healing in the places I have been wounded.

And so, I quieted my soul and I calmed my heart. I walked through that painful place and I embraced my crushed pieces. I repeated that meditation several times, adding their individual names, allowing it to sink deeply within, washing over me. 

and I forgave.

Is it a completed work? Maybe. I live one day at a time. But today...today I have forgiven.  And the next time I feel the piercing prick of old memories, I will come back to this and I will forgive. I will do it again and again for as long as necessary, not for them (I have removed them from my life - forgiveness doesn't equal allowing toxicity), but for me, for my peace, for my wholeness.

and I will move forward

braver

stronger

better.


**************************************************************************




My deconstruction has no time frame, no ending in sight (yet), no right or wrong way to process, and no predestined landing spot. It is what it is, and I am allowing it to flow naturally for me while enjoying the ride.

Please do not offer me words that minimize the actions of others. ('god didn't hurt you, people did' type of statements) That is an example of how we allow The Church to shirk responsibility for its part in wronging others.

Love calls out injustices. Love calls for accountability. Love asks each one of us to own our mistakes while diligently being better in the following moments.

I have never given up on Love, and She doesn't give up on me.

 

 

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