Skip to main content

the deconstruction of my life and other not-so-fun moments : forgiveness



Forgiveness.

It isn't always simple. It definitely should never be expected. And, there are times that it is given without ever having been asked for. But, for me, for the instances that I shall detail in this Deconstruction series, I am actively applying it as a monthly meditation.

I found this beautiful forgiveness intention written by Michael B. Beckwith:

"I forgive you and set you free. Your actions no longer have power over me. I acknowledge that you are doing the best that you can, and I honor you in your process of unfoldment. You are free and I am free. All is well between us. Peace is the order of the day."

I wrote about two very specific people in my last post (you can read that here ). Part of my process of deconstructing my life is to take these experiences and flip the narrative. I am taking apart the whole, laying it out for introspection, and reassembling it my  way, for my  benefit.

I am healing in the places I have been wounded.

And so, I quieted my soul and I calmed my heart. I walked through that painful place and I embraced my crushed pieces. I repeated that meditation several times, adding their individual names, allowing it to sink deeply within, washing over me. 

and I forgave.

Is it a completed work? Maybe. I live one day at a time. But today...today I have forgiven.  And the next time I feel the piercing prick of old memories, I will come back to this and I will forgive. I will do it again and again for as long as necessary, not for them (I have removed them from my life - forgiveness doesn't equal allowing toxicity), but for me, for my peace, for my wholeness.

and I will move forward

braver

stronger

better.


**************************************************************************




My deconstruction has no time frame, no ending in sight (yet), no right or wrong way to process, and no predestined landing spot. It is what it is, and I am allowing it to flow naturally for me while enjoying the ride.

Please do not offer me words that minimize the actions of others. ('god didn't hurt you, people did' type of statements) That is an example of how we allow The Church to shirk responsibility for its part in wronging others.

Love calls out injustices. Love calls for accountability. Love asks each one of us to own our mistakes while diligently being better in the following moments.

I have never given up on Love, and She doesn't give up on me.

 

 

Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

the deconstruction of my life and other not-so-fun moments : reckless love

    About ten years ago, I caught on to this revolutionary (to me) idea of radical love. I wanted more than anything to be   Love, the mouthpiece, the hands, the feet of Jesus, the very embodiment of all that love is. I spoke about love and forgiveness, acceptance and grace. I was the voice. I helped feed the hungry and clothe the poor. I was the hands. I went about my life, in my own town, in another country, spreading this newfound love. I was the feet. The more I swam in the deep of this reckless sea of unadulterated love, the freer I was. It was liberating like no other point of my christian walk had been. I knew authenticity and openness and joy in limitless ways. This love was overflowing and I gave it away freely. but The church is not in the free business. It became quite clear that I was being too   free with my approach. Yes, god gives grace, BUT... Yes, god forgives, BUT... Yes, god accepts all, BUT... Of course god loves all, BUT... So, I tempered my love...
Post a Comment
Read more

and the honor goes to...part 1

This will be a series of posts in which I honor people who have made an impact in my life, both in my past and in my present. I am blessed to still have some of these people in my life; others have left this life for their next one; others are no longer a part of my close circle, yet still made a difference to me. I want to share them with you. I want to honor them. I want them to know how much I love and respect them. The first one is dedicated to my childhood babysitter, Pat B. Growing up, both of my parents worked. This meant that my sister and I went to a babysitter when we were younger. We had a few, but the one that we spent the most time with, and that I remember the most, lived right up the road from us. We were actually neighbors, but being in the country, that meant a cornfield separated us. I recall being there when I was in kindergarten until I was old enough to stay by myself, probably around 12 or 13. I love to reminisce about my time there. It was my home away from ...
5 comments
Read more